your tax dollars, part iv

There is a new character who has entered my circle here at the gub’ment lab, and I will call him shitbag. So, I am working along on my project. I am doing my merry job. I need some information regarding my responsibility, for I am to purchase a very expensive piece of equipment, and it has to hold some of shitbag’s stuff. So, I email shitbag and ask “Shitbag, how much does your stuff weigh? And how big is it?” no response. No response. No response. Hmmmm….. then I get an email forwarded from someone else on the project which says “hhmmm, shitbag has answered part of your question, but I see he didn’t include you in the email” so I send the original email back to shitbag and ask the original question again: “Shitbag, how much does your stuff weigh? And how big is it?” no response no response no response. Hmmm….I think to call someone else and, sure enough, shitbag has mysteriously “forgotten” to include me in his partial response. And, let me just add for the record, his responses are as informative as “my stuff is orange, and smells bad” they say nothing towards size nor weight. While all of this is happening I am speaking to the project manager, verifying I am indeed asking the correct person. he confirms and checks back with me to verify I have gotten my information. I have not. so, miraculously, I get a phone call from shitbag, who says “ I understand you have been trying to get a hold of me and have emailed me. And, wow, I haven’t gotten any of your emails. But, sure, ill tell you about my stuff. Its made of lead”

Im at a total loss here. Does anyone think, for one moment, that someone in private industry would last one minute lying about getting emails? He didn’t even bother with the “oh, geez, im so sorry I didn’t get back to you” no. and not saying, "well we just dont know how much it weighs or how big it is" he just fucking lies about it never getting his emails, and makes up unhelpful responses when put in a corner. For whatever reason he decides I don’t need to have my question answered to my face and then he just lies and says it never happened. unbelievable

the first thing I remember is the phone ringing. I didn’t answer it. It rang again, and I hear my dad “do you know what’s going on?” “no….” “we’re being attacked.” Attacked!?! “turn on the tv” at that point dave stirs, and we squint at the tv, whose picture is simply gray.

I watched tv in my pajamas all day that day, minus a trip to the grocery store to buy a wall street journal and an American flag. That night I googled “osama bin laden.”

Five days later we left aspen, where we had spent the entire summer in quiet isolation, and we drove across the California border. and that is when it really hit me.

The sun makes me sneeze. This weekend I was telling someone this, and they didn’t believe me. There is not one single doubt in my mind that this is true. I know this is true. It won’t happen when I’m just standing there in the sun, but if I’m inside and walk outside the shade to sun transition always gets me. Or if I look at something reflective. Or I could be walking and look at a painted white stripe on the concrete and it will happen. I met someone once who shared this same phenomenon. He told me it happens to one in ten people, I am interested to know if this is true. He has blue eyes like me, I wonder if it has something to do with that. If the sun makes you sneeze and you have blue eyes, leave me a comment. Better yet, if the sun makes you sneeze and you don’t have blue eyes leave me a comment. Also leave a comment if you think I’m crazy. I’m interested to know how far fetched this seems.