ok. i feel awful. i just got up from laying down on my office floor. i desprately want to go home, but i cant imagine driving the hour and not falling asleep at the wheel. plus, i figure i will stay home tomorrow since i probably wont feel any better.

i went to lunch yesterday with the people in my project. that is something i have never done here, not even in my first week. there is a very anti-social way about this place, perhaps it is because 90% of the people who work here are anti-social. so, there are about eight of us, and for whatever reason gay-pride week was brought up. my boss mentioned that a guy he knew at los alamos came out of the closet. another guy replies "thats nothing, it was really weird was when steven thompson left for two years and came back as susan." my jaw almost hit the table. this lab is, in a word...old school. it is amazing that that kind of thing would happen here.

this weekend, for the first time ever, i was officially depressed at a wedding. i've never been the type. i imagine it has been happening for years to people who actually want to get married. i hadn't ever been one of those, and it was a strange feeling. after it is over i feel so drained. that is surely in part due to the complete lack of sleep and full body participation in daily hangover recovery. i know what the depression is all about, it is just hard to admit. it seems completely infathomable that it will be three plus years before my own such event, but as i desprately yearned to snap at the over-weight, over made-up texas junior leaguers who inquired as to the delay, "what the fuck am i supposed to do about that?!?"

the cat is a likeness of the original pear cat, though i know she fancies herself more of a panther than a pear.

with help from jess i have determined the following...

If I were a Springer-Verlag Graduate Text in Mathematics, I would be Bela Bollobas's Modern Graph Theory. I am an in-depth account of graph theory, written with the student in mind; I reflect the current state of the subject and emphasize connections with other branches of pure mathematics. Recognizing that graph theory is one of several courses competing for the attention of a student, I contain extensive descriptive passages designed to convey the flavor of the subject and to arouse interest. Which Springer GTM would you be? The Springer GTM Test

well as i was saying, or posting on the internet for the entire world to see as he walked in the door, but did not pick up on...so the water goes through the floor and the walls and ends up dripping through my mother's closet. he was absolutely horrified , (she thought it was hilarious, luckily) oh my god, if i did that at his parents house i would immediately begin with the hystericl crying and the desprate attempts to pack everything and escpe to the airport without being seen. i thought it was pretty funny, poor guy did not.

in other news...in preparation for the texas wedding, i was getting everything ready for our present which is the standard personalized wine that i have grown so fond of. i sit down at the computer, open up the picture software, look down to pet the dog, look up at what is staring back at me but the nastiest, raunchiest porn that apparantly said boyfriend has taken quite a liking to. fantastic. i gave him a pretty hard time, but only really because all those damn girls are blonde.

number two celebration of love under my belt for the month of june, one more to go. next up is a texas wedding. woohoo, nothing like the heat. i am excited for the heat. thats pretty sick. i miss new orleans, expecially living in fog-town. so, the one exciting thing that happened this weekend is that dave clogged the toilet right above my mom's bedroom and the water hang, on busted...more later

new rude san franciscan story...the block across the street from my apartment is no parking from 4-6pm weekdays, which is good for me if i can arrive home at precisely 6pm, which i try to do. yesterday i did. as i pulled up to park i notice the truck-driving woman behind me honking and throwing her arms up in the air in utter disgust at my nerve to interfere with her commute. i pointed at the parking allowed now sign and continued gathering my belongings. whe the traffic finally cleared and she could get around me she leans out her window and screams...you guessed it "you fucking bitch." first of all, let me state that anyone who knows anything at all knows better than to drive in the all-the-way-to-the-left lane on fell street. now, im not talking about the one that is actually second from the left, but the one that is only clear during rush hour. everybody knows not to drive in this lane for the precisely the reason why this woman should not hae been, because you get stuck behind someone. so, suddenly this is my fault, and i am a fucking bitch. this is yet another example of rudenes in san fran.

i keep changing the title. i cant seem to find the one i like. maybe it is because i just cant be described in a witty one liner.

going to visit my entire extended family is always a pleasant experience. I for some silly reason was looking foreward to my uncle's 60th birthday party, and was having a reasonably good time untill my drunken-white-trash cousin informed me that the entire family figures im gay and just dont know it yet. fantastic. that is just absolutely fucking fantastic. gee, michelle, who is it exactly that thinks this? oh, i dont know, a whole bunch of us. and from what point did you figure this? oh i dont know, for awhile now. well michelle, i have had a boyfriend for the past 6 years. you've met him. and though he's not a cab driver, like the man you are currently in the process of divorcing, nor does he smoke pot daily, like the father of the children you bore at eighteen, he is still male. you've met him, in fact. did you not notice that? oh, right, thats right. i just dont know it yet.

so ive been thinking about my manual, and i havent made much headway. i've also been thinking about making lists of my favorite things. i think i will concentrate on that for awhile, the manual is too hard.

for the love of god. i just took the dog up to the park so he could do his business, and no, i did not clean up after him. i do a lot of the time, i guess it depends on if i remember to bring a plastic bag, and this time i forgot. it's not that i refuse, and i definately do if he poops in a place where somebody would potentially walk, but this time he pooped on the slope, and no one walks on the slope. so as he finishes up, we turn around and start walking back, i notice a car is stopped in the middle of the road, and a guys head pops out and screams "hey, how come you didn't pick up your dog's shit!?! you should know better than that you stupid bitch!" dear god, was he actually there waiting to see if i cleaned it up or not so he could yell at me? i was flabergasted. i didnt even have a good response so i laughed. i am beginning to wonder about people in san francisco. i keep finding myself amazed by people being uncourteous and downright rude. two weekends ago dave and i were at a bar waiting for three of our friends to show up, and when they did, i turned to ask the people sitting on the couch behind me if we could have the chair they were using as a beer table. they guys looks at me and actually says "we are using this chair as a table." he said this with a perfectly straight face. i could not believe my ears, he was going to sit there and watch my friends stand so that he could have a place to put his beer down. i was about ready to give him the what-for when someone came back with a third chair, so i let it go. and then last week i squeezed my car into the spot that blocks my own driveway and i was just barely touching the piece-of-shit ford in from of me. i come out a couple of hours later and find that there are eggs all over my windshield! i find it all very disheartening, and i may be in the wrong some of these times, but the reactions i am getting are angry and completely unwarranted. are the people rude in san francisco? i am beginning to think so.