so i took the man to the airport this morning, bright and early. rise at five, baby. I assume he made his plane, he arrived at the airport at 6am, only 30 minutes early for his flight. ahhh, sigh. i remember days when i would leavefor the airport 30 minutes early.

but, i took a different bridge to work, the hayward rather than the bay bridge. it mixed things up quite a bit for a friday. i arrived sharply at 6:30 (amazing) and it is now 7:54 in the am. i arrived too early, and i cant get anything done! luckily i live in california and am getting the internet benefits of those wasted times on the east coast. there is plenty posted allready. it's almost eleven!

for as long as i can remember i have been asking whomever is my current boyfriend if they have read their maunal, as in their manual describing me and my operation. ususally i ask when they do somehting that is obviously stupid and pisses me off and whichever boyfriend doesnt understand why. but i realize that i like the idea of me having a manual, and i think i am going to start writing it. i will refer current boyfriend to it.

i had the scariest dream last night. i was staying in this old mansion with some friends (not sure who) and they were doing very bad things to each other, and trying to do them to me. they were covered in blood, and i have this vivid picture of someone trying to put a cat on the barbeque grill. it was a horrible scene, but somehow i got away. later on i was sharing a room with two other girls. two of us were walking down the hall to go to bed and the wicker table in the hallway started shaking. in my dream i thought "earthquake" even though i knew it was because the house was haunted. i got into bed and slowly the covers started sliding off of me. then in one quick jerk they were pulled off completely. it freaked me out, and i started to throw pens at the foot of the bed and they were hitting something invisible and falling to the ground. fucking freaky.

can you believe they found chandra!

in the past couple of days i have read through my old journals. i don't look back very often, out of principle (not sure what) and also for the same reason that i havent written often in the past two years. i have kept journals most of my life, but these started my freshman year of college. i look back and am amazed byt the things that i thought. i talked a lot about boys, and my inability to relate to them. i especially like my initial impressions of the different boyfriends, and looking back i can see clearly that had i payed attention to some of those thoughts i would have avoided quite a bit of misery. i have learned a lot in the boy department over the years, i can definately say that much.

so i quit smoking. i was pretty pissed off about it last night though, i bought some nicorette which helps things. i have got to stop this start smoking/quit smoking cycle if for no other reason than it makes me gain weight. i can feel myself admiring the candy bars down the hall. i eat eat eat, its terrible.

more pimping my friends. im getting really jealous of all of this. i want to put an ad up in the salon personals. i just want to see if anyone would respond.

check out my latest movie!

what is that!?!?

you know...looking back on a couple of these i notice that i might be one of those people, you konw those "relationship people" that only refer to themselves as "we." what is happening to me!?! i am not a unit! i should probably sit down and take a good hard think about that.

our alarm clock is one of those "atomic clocks." it has a little antenna and updates its own time, so it is accurate to the second. we have the radio set to NPR and every morning when the alarm goes off we get the news of the hour. for a long time i woke up every singe morning to "there was another suicide bombing in israel." (which probably explains some of my views on that whole matter) today i woke up with the news that i had missed yet another california earthquake. i am beginning to realize that perhaps this is not the best way to start my day.

i spent the weekend on a camping trip from hell. before we even arrived we got stopped for speeding. five minutes after arrival dave snapped his fishing pole in two. three hours after arrival (just long enough to get everything unpacked, set up and dinner in preparation stage) it began to snow. hard. it began to snow hard, and it did not stop. it wasnt actually snow at first, but rather hail. it then turned to snow after about 30 minutes. so then we packed up, and i knew at this point we sould have driven directly to south lake tahoe and commenced drinking. (not gambling, since we were having problems with luck, of course. i would have suggested it otherwise.) Instead we proceed to the nastiest little hotel we could find in beautiful Bridgeport, CA. (dont ever go there, btw.) the next day we decide to get the hell out of there only to find that the pass back through the mountains has closed. at this point we have no idea what the hell to do next, so we decide to go fishing. only, (we soon find out) there is no regular fishing, only ice-fishing. so wtf. we go ice fishing. it was actually fun. i even caught two. dave caught a bunch. things started turning a little better. we stayed there all day. the pass opened up and we quickly scurried to the other side. we found a campsite there and it didnt snow, so it was a definate improvement.

so this weekend i once again attempted to play tennis. dave is better than me, i dont understand that. its tennis for christ's sake. how does he know how to play it? i guess he has actually played before, i guess that would do it. i remember playing when i was in third grade, but regardless i am pretty bad. i was a lot worse this time than the last, perhaps i was moving slow from the breakfast consumed right beforehand. afterward we went shopping, and got my extremely belated christmas present from dave (that is not quite fair, since he did give me the present on christmas, it is just that it broke shortly after, was returned and now finally replaced. it is I who has not gotten him a christmas present. so ill shut up about that then) we also bought an old rusty wine rack to put the old wine that my father is sending me. very cool.

aahhhh...i enjoy this kind of absolute nonsense

so i wonder the percentage of dilligent bloggers out there who also have "real" jobs? you know, not to insult anyone, but i have just spent all afternoon cruising around, updating today's frustrations, and look at the time! i just cant do anything today. i cant. i refuse. i want a cigarette again. that is the problem here. when i do have cigarettes at work (i usually forid myself to bring them) i am somewhat more productive. realize the smoking thing is a product of the last couple of weeks, and really...ok wait, could this be the correlation...that is the same time i have been super-unproductive! that cant be. translation...i am not quitting smoking over this. cigarette cigarette cigarette

arrghhh. smoking is terrible. i am a slave

i just dont want to work today. i really havent wanted to work all week, i wonder if ithas anything to do with the fact that i have gone out almost every night? perhaps. im not hunover or anything, i just dont care. dont care dont care. hate work hate work. im still going to the lab phychologist, and was supposed to go today, but she canceled. i actaully feel really stressed and was looking foreward to going, so that i could complain about the fact that my boyfriend is spilling secrets about me to the fbi. fucker. i really hate it when people do that. god, i just had a horrible thought that they might call hat-guy. im done with if they do that. he is such a fucker, i want to get revenge, but my god-dammed, loud-mouthed, mild-mannered boyfriend thinks that may not actually be the way to go. who doesnt like revenge? is what i want to know. i sure do. i want to make him really mad, that is my ultimate goal. it is really easy, i mean i thought the bark bark note was funny! it was! he didnt think so, it made him really angry. i liked that.

so we have this neighbor that we hate. we call him "hat-guy." he wears a smelly wool hat at all hours of the day/night, warm, sunny he doesnt care. he is obviously afraid to show what is going on under that hat, presumabley it is that he is balding, but whatever. i just like making fun of peoles sore-spots. so his dogs bark constantly when he is not home. (for hours on end, while he is at a some rave) we have left him a note telling him as much. i think i phrased it "fyi: your dogs bark constantly when you are not home" so anyway, last night they are at it as usual, and i wrote another note that said something along the lines of "bark bark bark bark bark....bark!, only to find that this morning he has left a far inferior note (as far as cleverness, and robustness of thought) on our door saying, and i quote "dont EVER leave a note like that on my door again" well, well. mr. where-is-my-hat? just what are you going to do if i choose to, in fact, leave another "note like that"? he went on to say blah blah blah, i am a quiet neighbor (that must me aside from the bass bass thump boom crap radiating from his walls at all hours.) and it is YOU that is loud. right. blah blah...im super pissed...dont fuck with me. blah blah. i think i have a clever retort:

"bark bark bark"