i am 50 cents short of a bus fare to get me home! i have to take the stupid bus to get to the BART, and i cant believe it, i dont have enough money! i feel like a poor person. i am far too lazy to have to take the lab taxi over to the atm, so ill just have t figure something else out. arrggghh. plus i want a cigarette. i started dabbling in smoking again recently, something that i blame entirely on all of the smokers that seem to be surrounding me lately. i am not going to smoke for long, i allready hate it, but for a little while i might as well enjoy it. i set the deadline for when i do all that traveling in june. i will not smoke for that. i think that will work, for me quitting smoking just requires a reason other than the "its bad for you" reason. for instance, i quite 6 or so months ago because it was making me cough so hard that my abs hurt. (uh..its not bad for you...)

so, the big debate is the real-live versus story-life comparison. among the people discussing this, we are all the type that enjoys telling stories about our adventures in life. i dont know if everyone is like this. i tend to think not, actually. in fact, the people in this discussion are my absolute best friends, and this may be one of the ties that binds us, as the saying goes. we all look for fun, excitement, and adventure in our social lives, and in reality there may not always be stories to tell. this can be a problem when you get in a relationship with someone who is not a major influx to the real-life stories, and/or is not a part of the story-life imagined beforehand. i am not saying anything about my current situation, (i dont want to get in any trouble here) i am just presenting the argument.

it was dave and my two year anniversary this weekend. we went on a picnic in golden gate park, which turned out to be absolutely wonderful. we had cheese, bread, strawberrys and wine. the perfect ingredients. we even had a bone for the dog, and he gnawed on it and didnt bother us one bit. the sun was shining, there wasnt much wind, it was all around perfect. after that we ran some errands and got ready for our dinner reservations at Absinthe. our waiter looked just like edward scissorhands. i must have been sufficiently "well served" because i even told him that. then we went home and finished the champagne, smoked cigattetes and had some chris matthews-style discussions (only in the sense of...next topic...) anyway it was an all around good time for everyone involved. dave thinks (correctly, after two years) that i am a lush. he was talking to the dog last night about how the dog always seems to need to go out, and he said how his girlfriend is the same way. that is the one way that dave doesnt fit my "story-boy" (that requires an entry all to itself). to him, socializing and "going out" are things he would rather not do. i dont think i will require going to bars for very much longer in my life, but i do like to socialize, and think i always will. that is going to be a source of disagreement. and one more thing, we had a new addition to the family yesterday, a fish named chili. he and sophie are best friends. she watches him as he navigates through the lily roots he is forced to share housing with. i think he likes it.

so i've been cruising through the book Bias by a real live CBS insider, and am quite amazed. I mean, dont get me wrong here. it has been quite obvious for my entire news-watching existance just where their opinions lie. i just didnt realize quite the extent of it, which makes it even harder to believe that they truly think they present things fairly. perhaps they think it simply doesn't matter that the gross majority of people in the television media were in fact bleeding-heart, ultra-compassionate liberals, since what kind of cold, evil awful person wouldnt feel the same? i mean...really?

well how about that. looking back an entry or two i finally declare that they are putting me to good use here at the lab. after that the entries begin to dwindle. i have been utterly consumed with my project. i think about it at night, i sometimes dream about it. its a bit of a sick infatuation, since it only gives me pain in the end. i am starting to loose some steam, since the current creative hump has been passed and i am now just ironing out the details. that said,i forsee myself returning to my worktime savior a bit more often. (thats this thing...ok) so anyway, i guess i can explain about my project. it is, phrased with an edge of excitement and glamour, AI arial robotics, and perhaps more accurately, figuring out a way to get these damn UAV's to not collide in the sky. i love it, it is just what i wanted to be doing (if i wasnt going to be predicting stock futures in the aerospace industry) i am having mixed feelings and wonder if i will be here long after the economy recovers and it is possibe to be hired as a research analyst. i am coming to realize that though i love doing this, it is still work. i still have to come here everyday. i have not yet overcome the obstacle facing all those recently out of school. the work-life transition. arrrrrggghhh.