across the hall from my office is a conference room with glass walls, and a couple of weeks ago i noticed a total hottie in a meeting so i kept staring at him. i was being totally blatant about it, the meetin was pretty long, and every time i got up i would make DIRECT eye contact with this guy. i dont know, i was just doing it to add some entertainment to my day, and perhaps some to his meeting. so finally, the meeting gets out, and what do you know but he is KNOCKING AT MY DOOR! turns out he is not a hottie at all, but a total engineering geek. but he is totally flirting with me, sits down, we end up talking for like an hour! it was actually pretty ackward. i dont think he noticed, he is an extrovert, but still lacks the social skills. so he leaves, and then yesterday i am on the phone (talking to my dad, not work related, of course) and he comes by. he notices im on the phone, and scurries off, and then again today i am on my way into my builing, and he is on his way out. we get to talking, its kind of fun, im wondering when he is going to ask me out? i never get asked out on dates. but notice, im really not leading him on. i mean, id say no because of the whole live-in boyfriend thing, but probably yes otherwise. but, im not flirting with him anymore. granted there was the staring episode which i take full responsibility for, but after that it was all him. im still probably evil.

i have certain friends whose music recommendations are like gold. we have the exact same taste, i might as well just go buy whatever it is. certain other friends, however, i make a special effort to avoid (my mother is included in this group. also regarding movies). i have a new friend initiated into the "avoid at all costs" group. who is this mason jennings guy, and did he really just steal guitar riffs from soundgarden, eminem, bob marley, and pearl jam within five minutes of one another? and does he realize that bob dylan sings like that, not to be cool, but becasue he has a terrible voice? good god. that was painful

god, am i depressing. im saying that as a statement, not a question. the executive search is turning out to be more difficult than oh, here you go, sit back, here's a popsicle, we'll do all the work. oh! look at that, a job. here take this nice job. oh, i'll wait, while you finish your popsicle.

its not so bad. my boss admitted to me today that i had nothing to do for the rest of the afternoon (he said this at 9am), somehow it made me feel better. it took away the guilt. i am still trying to entertain myself. ive got a pretty good weekend planned. mason jennings tonight, sailing tomorrow afternoon followed by some giants opening up the can tomorrow night. (the can of whoop-ass, for those not in the know) then sunday, a sunset dance party on the bay. some annual halloween boat party, it can actually turn out to be quite fun.

in the meantime...the friday five

1. What is your favorite scary movie?
this question is ambiguous. favorite can mean scariest scary movie, or can mean the scary movie i hold closest to my heart. in the absence of time constraints, i will answer both. scariest: blair witch project. good god, holy mother, that movie had me tightening the straps of my hoodie to a quarter sized circle for one eye. i thought i might have to leave, i was scared like i was actually there. closest to my heart: the original halloween. michael myers, don di di don di di don di…i don’t know why my mom let me watch that movie in fourth grade, but it is still my favorite

2. What is your favorite Halloween treat?
treat? like candy? my favorite candy is twizzlers. my favorite treat is not technically candy.

3. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume.
yes, halloween is up there on my favorite holidays list. In college my two roomates and I tried to do costumes of trinity’s. the most offensive was freshman year, the divine trinity god, jesus, and the holy ghost. I was the holy ghost. What does the holy ghost wear? You as? Beats me. I certainly wasn’t going to wear a sheet, so I wore an odd collection of different things including budweiser suspenders. sophomore year it was earth, wind, and fire. i was earth. i wore 80% blue, 20% green. the trinities fizzled out after that. because, next i was a goth, a fond memory recalled here

4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events?
oh yes.

5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year?
yes. halloween in the castro totally gay. totally pockets full of beer.

the worst part about my job is the knowing that if i didnt show up, no one would notice. the second worst part is knowing just where my tax dollars go. im seriously considering not coming in to work tomorrow, the only reason to go is my conscience which would hang over me all day, ruining any fun i would be having. i have decided to hire an executive search consultant; i havent yet because of all the promises of "just wait until you get your clearance, everything will be much much better" at this point it has been 9+ months of clearance processing. no word of when it is coming. or if. its not worth it to me anymore, ive looked foreward to it for so long, when it finally comes not only will i still work here but i will be disappointed.

a week in the government lab:
thursday:
me: i cant run that program you sent me. it says it's missing a file.
friday:
boss: hmm. thats odd.
monday:
boss: ok, the file is in this folder i sent. now try.
me: still doesnt work.
boss: change this and this and this
me:nope...oh wait, the file still isnt there. its not in the folder you sent.
thursday:
boss: ok, here is the file.
me: ok, now its missing this other file
me: i guess ill just post this conversation to my weblog, since i dont know what the fuck else to do while you take 4 days to email me a fucking file!!!

actual conversation that took place last night while walking the dog:

stupid bitch: excuuuse me? um, your dog just peeeeeed on my trash.
me: its trash? are you kidding?

i failed to accomplish my one task of the weekend which was to secure beck/flaming lips tickets. i am having major high school flashbacks where it was grateful dead and i felt so totally helpless...where are these tickets and how in the world did it sell out allready !?!? i bet the theater will be filled with fucking sorority girls whining about chardonnay and why havent they played the vasoline song? and ohmygawd is that girl som-oh-king? you see the problem, i deserve these tickets. deserve.

in other news, i was somewhat disappointed by the ring. the reason it is called "the ring" is by far the most scary part, and while i did scream-out-loud/jump-in-my-seat probably more than once, it was alltogether a dissapointment. they could have taken an angle that, i thought, would have been scarier or at least more interesting, such as the nature or foundation of such evil, but it ends up just being one manifestation of this evil, and not a very unique or interesting one, at that. it did bear a striking similarity to the changeling with a nice little twist at the end. i had a lot more fun at das experiment if we are talking about natures of evil and since i am now doing movie reviews.

thinking more about the string theorist, i think the social inabilities are part of it. the shy/ackward can be endearing, and being totally consumed by research. hence, ignore me. on pondering why social retardation and deep sciences go hand in hand, we concluded (or i, im sure she'd deny it) it was the chicken. or the egg. either one. the social isolation you get from studying that kind of thing isolates you from other people, which weakens the social skills. then you get frustrated by real live people and seek the solice of your studies, and the cycle continues.

to me, the sexiest job a guy can have is to be a string theorist. i bet he'd ignore me, though. fucking string theorist.

as much as i hate to brag, it might be that i have the cutest niece in the history of nieces. meet tessa reid.

timeline of events:

1) get job.
2) work on project for awhile.
3) project ends, do nothing for awhile.
4) interview for new project i am very much un-qualified for, yet if i got, would be some kind of great opportunity. (interview...as in put together my resume, dress up, go meet with people who work here too, see if they want me.)
5) people tell me to fuck off, they dont want me. (or rather, tell my boss to tell me)
6) email message arrives from said people, reads only "our secretary will contact you for an appointment so our staff can show you the work they engage in, this will also give them an opportunity to get to know you and your work"

what the fuck does this mean? i got the job now? i fucking hate this place.

ps. you gotta get the musical score, too.

so this is entirely jess's fault. the ledgend goes that the McIlhenny's found these neat-o huge rats somewhere in china or austrailia, and decided they absolutely must must have them since there must be a hundred-and-one uses for a huge rat, and wouldnt it be smart to just fence a couple of them up in the backyard. well, you see, the problem is avery island, and all of south lousisana, is prone to hurricanes, something left out of the equation, so jump ahead ten years and we've got a regular ole' huge-rat infestation. hell, eat-um, why not. i got the feeling we were all eating them anyway, without knowing it.

in preparing for fleet week SF 2002, i am reminded of my first exposure to the blue angles. it was november 2, 1996, my junior year at tulane. in celebration of all saints day (the day before), my roommates and i invited our closest friends to join us for a keg, or two. the night started innocently enough, i decided to go as a goth. im sure there is a better term, i dont know what it is. in new orleans, there are lots of goths, so i had a lot of material to work with. i bought a nice shiny black slip, a tube top (black), some sort of sheer thing to go over the tube top, and the doc boots (for some reason) I already owned. to top it off, i picked up some trusty vampire red manic panic.

i was a hit. im not sure exactly who invited the band the junkie necro-pediphiles, but when they saw me, i fit right in. (side note, i am afraid to search on google for the band, working for the ‘ment and all. i trust that they are no longer together) i didn’t hang out with them much, i felt they were cramping my style. instead i worked the party as a completely different person. now, be reminded, this was essentially a halloween party, so there were a lot of people in constume. yet, somehow, most everyone i talked to thought i really was a goth. and, I tell you, i loved it. i tried to do all sorts of things goths do. i don’t know what that is, but I had fun throwing m-60’s off the balcony. (don’t goths blow stuff up?) while i wasn’t much help in calming our neighbor being strangled by the front-man junkie necro-pedophile, and while i did some damage to my friendship with amjad, my one friend from my classes, i’ve always looked back with fond memories of that night. the next morning, i wasn’t even upset to find the band name of my new friends scrawled in black permanent marker across the kitchen stove, refrigerator, and counter-top, and since i couldn’t pry off the clamp-on nose ring and the manic panic had a few more days to go, i had my last remnants of goth to bring with me to the blue angels. i was the only goth there, and you know what? they are missing out. even goths would like the blue angles.

today i am experimenting with the late-in-late-out method of work attendance. usually i get here by 8, today it was 10. that means i stay untill 7pm. im doing it for two reasons: one, traffic might be better this way, and two: they rejected my application for a 9/80 work schedule, which is fucking retarded and a story unto itself, so im going to try this instead. its ackward eating lunch at 3pm, but it allows me to stare at the hottie being interviewed in the conference room across from my office. (that doesnt have anything to do with anything, seeing that that is today alone, i just wanted to bring him up) he is a hottie, with a phd in math. that makes him even hotter. i had been invited to his seminar this morning, and since i didnt show up until ten, i was a half an hour late. he is a terrible presenter, a quality which does not detract from his hotness, however. i think i am going to go internet stalk him.

while camping in yosemite the other weekend, we couldnt help but overhear the heated discussion developing at the campsite nextdoor. there was a guy, about our age, explaining that npr was biased towards women. he said this because a woman, i'll call her nancy, was complaining on npr about how she wanted more vacation time from work. she is also raising a small child, her three weeks just isnt enough, and npr supports this position. the poor guy next door thinks that is unfair, and he is right. he was getting slammed by his fellow campers, but he missed the entire issue which is that nancy is in the bad position of climbing the corporate ladder while raising a kid. and that is the problem. women are faced with this dichotomy from the very beginning, they are told they will need to be independent, self-sufficient, and they will need an advanced degree to win their fields medal. yet, at the same time, they are given dollies and told to have babies and kittens and families. they are the ones expected to keep the household together. i think it's A+ fantastic to have a guy willing to stay home and take charge of this, but do you find it often? i think not. women then have to choose, or else they do a half-assed job at both. it's totally unfair, and its amazing how few men admit that. young men love to say how it'd be great to be a house-husband, but it's just big talk. its sad when you see a young, well educated, white man not taking advantage of his world of opportunities. the world is his oyster. i am bitter, i know. i am 25 and in a serious relationship that i expect will result in marriage within the next couple of years. i have a job that annoys the shit out of me, but provides the opportunity to go get whatever advanced degree im interested in. i've been fancying an mba lately, lets say i do it. i work long hours, go to school night and weekends, and i have the degree by the time im 28. then, i become a mckinsey consultant. (you didnt expect me to stay with this place, did you?) im working my way up, up, things are going great. well, wait, i expected that id be thinking about the babies and the kittens around thirty. so i have a kid. im thirty. if i dont want to put my newborn child in daycare for his first five years, ive got the put the mckinsey thing on hold. does anyone really expect i'll be able to take five years off and then simply pick up where i left off? what about having another kid? it just doesnt work to do both, it's one or the other.